The Other Grandmother

Wether you are a raging alcoholic of a parent or not, I’m sure most can relate to the hardest thing about having a child – THE OTHER GRANDMOTHER.

I never know of it’s me over thinking things, or if my mother in law is genuinely the most irritating person on the planet, however it’s unlikely to be the later as I know most mums feel the same. I think the worst part for me is that she spends so much time reiterating how much she doesn’t want me to end up despising her so isn’t going to make any unwanted comments. Unfortunately nine times out if ten this statement is followed by a truly unwanted comment, usually beginning with “well I have said”, or “you know I would never”. You would think that when her daily advice was ignored she would get the message, but she is nothing if not persistent.

She truly believes that I don’t trust her to mind my kids It’s not of course that I don’t trust her, it’s simply that I refuse to have any child of mine subjected to her attitude. My youngest suffers with kidney disease, and this is somehow the exact same as her child being diabetic. One of the most important things when it comes to her care is personal hygiene to prevent urinary infections. She comments at 5 weeks old “there’s no need to wash your hands before changing her, as let’s face it, what is her arse going to catch”. Now this could be an understandable comment as she may not have realised that she was prone to infection, however it makes it all unbearably hilarious when it is noted that she was discharged from hospital two days precious with urinary Ecoli, and I make the assumption she knows how UTIs are contracted. This is just one example of many a ridiculous comment which has been made with regards to her care.

Another big issue for me is the fact that she actively encourages her two you best who are 18 and 21 at present to take illegal drugs. I don’t have an issue with it, as most of us have done it, but it’s the lying. She will never admit that her kids are druggies, even though she knows damn fine they are because she pays for the drugs. I know my kids will end up experimenting with drugs, and I’m fine with that, but encouraging total dishonesty about the matter is dangerous as far as I’m concerned as we all know how easily things can go wrong, especially since hers so silly things like driving under the influence on an almost daily basis. I am rather concerned that my children will see this behaviour and copy it because they have witnessed a lack of consequence.

It has to be said too when it comes to lying that she is what is known as a compulsive lier and this has been passed to her children, she has three and they are all prone to telling constant lies in different ways. My husband is the exaggerater which still makes him a lier, but it’s usually harmless. He will come home from work telling all these crazy stories about things that have happened to him which everyone can tell are untrue from the second he opens his mouth. The middle child, lies about pretty much everything possible pm much like his mother. And the youngest, it’s bit so much big fat lies, it’s more a disguise of the truth in most instances. He usually avoids any conversations where he know he may feel he has to lie. Also if he is asked a question which he needs to answer untruthfully, he will simply state his answer and have done with it, as opposed to trying to justify it like the other two. He will simply say yes or no, and wait for someone to be able to prove it, Instead of giving a long list of reasons as to why he could not possibly be telling anything other than the truth. I worry enough that our my kids will inherit the dishonesty trait from their father, without adding more encouragement to the matter. That’s why I limit the time she spends with mine, because she is the worst culprit, and u don’t want that for them.

I suppose I could tell my mother in law how I feel about her and have done with it but I fear it will cause my husband problems as she is renound for being thoroughly unreasonable and often disgracefully mean. I don’t want her to bully him the way she bullies he husband.

Her husband, that’s another deal breaker for me. It has to be said that YES, he is more than a little overweight, and not the best looking, but she married him for better or for worse, and given she is a Christian, I expect her to take her vows rather seriously. What she does typically is wait until he has had a bad day, or something has angered him, then she pulls the “You’re Fat” card. His reaction is the same every time, he doesn’t stick up for himself but walks away and in her words “sulks”. To me sulking is acting up without reason, however having your wife say “it’s not our fault your fat stomach caused you to burn yourself on that hot tray” sort of thing, just so his family can laugh at him is a pretty good reason in my eyes.

It’s not just him she treats like that but his whole family, in fact she has managed to get him to the point where his family (of which he already has very little) despair of him and have given up trying to help him. She has also isolated her two youngest from their grandmother, and tries day after day to do the same with her eldest. Luckily she has been unsuccessful thus far.

In a nutshell the bug problem when it comes to her spending time with my kids is this: when they have been ill, and I’m not talking side throats, but hospitalised with life threatening sepsis, she hasn’t been there, and neither has my father in law, though this is likely to be because if her. Not that it matters because when it comes to children you claim to love, come hell or high water you should be there for them. But when they are well she wants to use them to prove a point to me that she herself was a good mum. Everyday I hear “you see, I’m not totally useless”. The problem is that I do see. I see it constantly and every day she gives me another reason not to trust her.

I could go on forever so over and out, but please do share your experiences with yours.

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