Sex, drugs, rock and roll!

What can you get away with whilst child rearing? It’s a fine line isn’t it.

Sex, drugs, rock and roll, is just a saying, but it refers to a lifestyle – one where people act rather irresponsibly all the time, partying, and having a good old giggle. When you fall pregnant with your first child you automatically assume that all the nice, fun, and often disgraceful things that you did beforehand will become a distant memory, and you will spend most of your time feeding and cleaning up bodily fluids. That part is true, you will have to change nappies, and prepare bottles, and rock your baby to sleep every few hours, however you can also make time to do the this YOU enjoy.

It’s all about preparation. I get all my bottles sterilized before bed, and then do the used ones again in the morning. That way I always have enough ready for the day. I always pack the changing bag at night ready for the next day so that when I’m hungover I don’t forget anything. I change the kids bedding in the morning so that getting them to bed is a quicker task. Basically if you do everything before it needs doing, you will find the fun comes a lot easier as you will always know you haven’t got a load of stuff to do at the end of it all.

Make sure you spend a reasonable amount of time getting you children off to sleep to make sure then are truly asleep and not going to wake up as soon as you leave the room. One of them almost certainly will, but you DO NOT entertain them. Send them straight back to bed without so much as a look – they WILL get the message eventually.

Then the fun begins. Have the sex first because you don’t want to be drunk, however if you are a cannabis user, smoke first, as it will only enhance your pleasure. Rock and roll if you like – that’s what babysitters are for, and you can find very reputable and well qualified ones nowadays. I favour staying in and having friends over or going to friends houses, but I do still enjoy the odd nightclub here and there. Don’t be scared of the drink or the drugs, see them as your go to buddies. If you allow yourself to relax, your kids will relax more. There is nothing worse than being uptight all the time where children are concerned. Let them have what they want, and they will let you. It’s just FAIRNESS.

You will however have to accept that you will get less sleep than you are used to as even if you don’t drink every night, you will still want time to yourself once they’re in bed. And if you feel like it, drink during the day then you won’t have to rush the bottle at night. As long as you haven’t got a million chores to do during the day you will be able to get as pissed as you like.

What a dick…

So I’m visiting my friend in a hospital, and I decide to pop out for a cigarette. I roll one in the room, and head out to smoke it, leaving the paraphernalia behind. I’m minding my own business, smoking my own cigarette, when this guy stops and asks if I have a spare fag. I say “no sorry” and try to explain I haven’t got the means to give him one. He totally flies off the handle, screaming and shouting and proceeds to call me a LYING TWAT. I guess that he is homeless and having a rough time so I spare him the kick in the bollocks he deserves and walk away.

A week later the exact same scenario occurs, more fool me really for repeating the act because I don’t actually object to handing out cigs. This time he is rather aggressive about the whole thing, but doesn’t make any reference to the first incidence so I guess he has forgot as he likely does it a lot. Again it’s a secluded area so I tell him to get lost as politely as possible.

Then two days later, my husband comes with me to visit our friend and on the way home we decide to stop for a pint in a nearby pub. And guess what…, the guy appears again and asks my hubby for a rolling paper. He was about to to oblige and give him one, when I said ‘no don’t give him anything’. Hubby looked shocked and asked why. I told him that the man standing before him had called me a LYING TWAT when I couldn’t give him a cigarette. This time he had nothing to say for himself and walked away.

When I was alone and he didn’t get what he wanted he had a right pop, yet when called out in front of a bunch of drunk blokes he scurried away! I was fuming for hours.

Today’s topic

So this afternoon I have been reading many a blog to try and understand how this all works. To be honest I have discovered that even if mine doesn’t take off, I will still read and write as it can be awfully satisfying.

I’ve discovered that there is a lot of material surrounding domestic violence and emotional abuse. I’m a very controversial person, however even I am forced to take very seriously the act of people (women included) torturing each other to the extent that is being discussed. Emotion abuse seems to be more commonly written about, so let’s talk about that. My research has enlightened me to two things in particular: there is no specific type to the perpetrators. You would have thought that they would have similar backgrounds, appearances, personality traits etc., but they don’t. ANYONE can be responsible for ruining lives, without ringing any alarm bells. The second thing is that the women who talk about being abused by men, seem to imply that if they had realised sooner they could have gotten out. Things appear to go from naught to one hundred in a matter of weeks/months, so there is no real gradual worsening of the situation to contend with, thus no time to ponder how to end it.

I do have some experience with this sort of thing, so say this sort of thing because I HATE using the same words over and over, and I’m not about to start experimenting with terminology on this subject, for risk of causing upset. One of my most recent experiences was with a woman who disclosed to me that her partner had done some truly disturbing things to her (in my mind), but she wasn’t at all prepared to leave him. I fear honesty may land me in trouble here, however I’m going to say this anyway as I think it could help she’d some perspective for a lot of people – I didn’t entirely believe this woman when she told me. I thought she was either exaggerating, or it had never happened. To this day I will never know if the former was accurate or not. She went out of her way to cheat on her partner, and bragged about it as if she wanted him to find out. Correct me if I’m wrong but women sufferers are usually afraid of their abusers? I later found out that every man she slept with was married, which caused even more confusion. Why was this woman chasing after men who would never want anything other than a mindless fuck. Then after many conversations and a much greater insight, I began to understand. She wanted them to help her, and the most likely saviour would be a man who respected women enough make vows and stick by them. Though they went sticking by them any more because they were being unfaithful. They didn’t want their wives to find out about their flings in any case, therefore when she eventually told them what was going on and asked for help, they pretty much dragged her out of their houses by her hair and told her never to bring trouble to their door again. Turns out they were mindless fucks themselves. Although when I tried to offer to help this lady get out of the awful situation she was in, she really didnt want to kmow.

I have to ask this to anyone who reads and has been through it… Is this typical? Did you try to get other men to help you get out? And if so how did you go about it?

The Dreaded Hangover

You don’t have to dread them you know. All you have to do to avoid them is have kids. There are three reasons for this:

A- kids keep you so busy that you never really have time for the hangover to manifest. It’s not like you can stay in bed wollowing, unless they’re still locked in a cot.

B- with them waking you up and running you ragged, by 10am you should have certainly had another drink. Hair of the dog, works every time.

C- you’ve been pregnant right, so you can get anti nausea meds. You simply visit your GP at any point in your pregnancy and tell them that you are throwing up so much you can’t keep food down and it’s making you feel even worse because you’re always dizzy as a result. Then you save the pills, or even better mug them off and get a repeat prescription.

All your hangover woes will be gone, even if you have to take all 3 measures at once.

Blue or Pink – Red or White

Disclaimer – all views are my own, there is no research to back this. I love to state facts but this one is just a bit of fun.

Read this article for clarification of you like.

So basically..

If you are the yummy mummy of a young boy, you ought to be drinking red wine. If you’ve a little lady, then you want white.


Well firstly: boys are fitter than girls, so you will need more energy to look after them. You have to play footie and go skateboarding with boys which is hard work, especially if you’re a woman. Though all wine is good for you, red is more nutritious so will keep you healthier.

Secondly: you can take this from someone with a fair few years experience – the hangover is never as bad.

White wine is typically more favourable to women than red, especially at a young age, so if you’re into white then your daughter will be inclined to start drinking with you from an earlier age.

Also, it’s easier to drink so you can get through a bottle much quicker. This is necessary as girls typically don’t sleep as long as boys do so you won’t have a much time to get slowly pissed.

That’s me for the night anyway. Took my kids out for dinner this evening. They didn’t actually have any dinner mind you, just pudding, but as they wish. I had two bottles of prosecco and a bottle of white, and most of my kids are boys. So do as I say, not as I do is the advice.

Is it ok…

Started my blog last night. So here’s my first proper write:

Is it ok…

Is it ok to drink in front of your baby… well yeah duh, they don’t understand!

Is it ok to take your baby to the pub… sure, most nights. Maybe not when they have live entertainment or karaoke as you may not be able to enjoy it if they get upset by the noise.

Is it ok to smoke in front of your baby… are they exposed to second hand smoke regardless of whether or not you smoke? Yup

Is it ok to teach your baby to smoke… well, not really, which was evident when a serial meme maker created this toy, advertising it as ‘my first vape’. Shame it was a hoax really because they say that if you don’t make a big deal about stuff, kids wont either, therefore they’d be less likely to smoke themselves if we let them walk around vaping.

Is it ok to be drunk in charge of an infant… not according to my mother in law, but I’ve never been arrested for it. It’s the same as smoking on hospital grounds, it’s technically unacceptable but ten police officers can walk past you and none of them will bat an eyelid.

Is it ok to let strangers look after your baby whilst you pop to the loo, or in my case – the bar… they’re in a public place, drinking, just like you. They clearly share the same ideology as you, therefore it’s probably safer than some random babysitter that you know nothing about.

I dare say some people won’t think these things are ok, however they work for us. We are a very happy family unit, and I suspect it’s because of the booze. We are always relaxed as a result.


BabyBottle Blog

Thanks for reading!

Have a baby they said….. It will be fun they said…..

BOLLOCKS! Course, they lied! Don’t get me wrong, there is potential for fun – once a day at 11.53pm, when they are in a deep enough sleep that you are certain you can walk away from them, they there’s only 3 minutes until they need feeding again. 3 Minutes of peace, and let’s not exaggerate, they may be so tired that they give you an extra half hour. So approximately 37 minutes… aha! What to do with yourself.

You’re a mum, it’s only natural that there’s only one thing that crosses your mind – ALCOHOL! Start with cider, nah, it’s heavy you’ll only be able to fit in one pint. Try Vodka, meh, it works but it tastes foul, and you will definitely end up being sick (you have enough of that to deal with). Wine, now were talking! You can drink a bottle in 37 minutes but that doesn’t leave much time to appreciate the effects. However….

GIN! Jackpot- you can pour in some tonic and pretty much down a bottle in minutes as you’re drinking 75% water, if you’re sensible, otherwise it’s 20% water and 80% gin. It’s a personal favourite of mine. It even comes in different colours and flavours nowadays to mix it up a bit. I personally don’t advise mixing the spirit in though, because you’re better leaving it and using a straw. That way it doesn’t mix properly, then when the inevitable happens, you can drink what you can as quickly as you can and be certain you haven’t wasted you’re time drinking any tonic water, and you have purely consumed GIN.

Yes, the inevitable, they’ve woken up…… SHIT! Better luck next time.

Or, you could be like me. Baby in one hand, bottle on the other. Not their bottle, but yours! Alcohol is my saviour. Yes I’m an addict, and yes I’m a mum. I also had a full time job, bills to pay, a relationship, friends, family, and a bloody dog to walk, until baby arrived. Now I just have them, some sort of relationship, people who call me (I never have time to answer), and the dog is somewhere. I always however have the bottle. It helped me through conception, in fact it was purely responsible for it. It helped me through pregnancy, yes I’m one if those people. It helped me through labour, and put gas and air to shame. And it’s the only reason I am surviving motherhood.┬áIT’S GOOD STUFF!

Welcome to my blog where I will talk about the life that is, raising children under the constant influence of alcohol. Piece of cake, and much better than the alternative, trust me, I’m drunk, I know exactly what I’m talking about.