The Other Grandmother

Wether you are a raging alcoholic of a parent or not, I’m sure most can relate to the hardest thing about having a child – THE OTHER GRANDMOTHER.

I never know of it’s me over thinking things, or if my mother in law is genuinely the most irritating person on the planet, however it’s unlikely to be the later as I know most mums feel the same. I think the worst part for me is that she spends so much time reiterating how much she doesn’t want me to end up despising her so isn’t going to make any unwanted comments. Unfortunately nine times out if ten this statement is followed by a truly unwanted comment, usually beginning with “well I have said”, or “you know I would never”. You would think that when her daily advice was ignored she would get the message, but she is nothing if not persistent.

She truly believes that I don’t trust her to mind my kids It’s not of course that I don’t trust her, it’s simply that I refuse to have any child of mine subjected to her attitude. My youngest suffers with kidney disease, and this is somehow the exact same as her child being diabetic. One of the most important things when it comes to her care is personal hygiene to prevent urinary infections. She comments at 5 weeks old “there’s no need to wash your hands before changing her, as let’s face it, what is her arse going to catch”. Now this could be an understandable comment as she may not have realised that she was prone to infection, however it makes it all unbearably hilarious when it is noted that she was discharged from hospital two days precious with urinary Ecoli, and I make the assumption she knows how UTIs are contracted. This is just one example of many a ridiculous comment which has been made with regards to her care.

Another big issue for me is the fact that she actively encourages her two you best who are 18 and 21 at present to take illegal drugs. I don’t have an issue with it, as most of us have done it, but it’s the lying. She will never admit that her kids are druggies, even though she knows damn fine they are because she pays for the drugs. I know my kids will end up experimenting with drugs, and I’m fine with that, but encouraging total dishonesty about the matter is dangerous as far as I’m concerned as we all know how easily things can go wrong, especially since hers so silly things like driving under the influence on an almost daily basis. I am rather concerned that my children will see this behaviour and copy it because they have witnessed a lack of consequence.

It has to be said too when it comes to lying that she is what is known as a compulsive lier and this has been passed to her children, she has three and they are all prone to telling constant lies in different ways. My husband is the exaggerater which still makes him a lier, but it’s usually harmless. He will come home from work telling all these crazy stories about things that have happened to him which everyone can tell are untrue from the second he opens his mouth. The middle child, lies about pretty much everything possible pm much like his mother. And the youngest, it’s bit so much big fat lies, it’s more a disguise of the truth in most instances. He usually avoids any conversations where he know he may feel he has to lie. Also if he is asked a question which he needs to answer untruthfully, he will simply state his answer and have done with it, as opposed to trying to justify it like the other two. He will simply say yes or no, and wait for someone to be able to prove it, Instead of giving a long list of reasons as to why he could not possibly be telling anything other than the truth. I worry enough that our my kids will inherit the dishonesty trait from their father, without adding more encouragement to the matter. That’s why I limit the time she spends with mine, because she is the worst culprit, and u don’t want that for them.

I suppose I could tell my mother in law how I feel about her and have done with it but I fear it will cause my husband problems as she is renound for being thoroughly unreasonable and often disgracefully mean. I don’t want her to bully him the way she bullies he husband.

Her husband, that’s another deal breaker for me. It has to be said that YES, he is more than a little overweight, and not the best looking, but she married him for better or for worse, and given she is a Christian, I expect her to take her vows rather seriously. What she does typically is wait until he has had a bad day, or something has angered him, then she pulls the “You’re Fat” card. His reaction is the same every time, he doesn’t stick up for himself but walks away and in her words “sulks”. To me sulking is acting up without reason, however having your wife say “it’s not our fault your fat stomach caused you to burn yourself on that hot tray” sort of thing, just so his family can laugh at him is a pretty good reason in my eyes.

It’s not just him she treats like that but his whole family, in fact she has managed to get him to the point where his family (of which he already has very little) despair of him and have given up trying to help him. She has also isolated her two youngest from their grandmother, and tries day after day to do the same with her eldest. Luckily she has been unsuccessful thus far.

In a nutshell the bug problem when it comes to her spending time with my kids is this: when they have been ill, and I’m not talking side throats, but hospitalised with life threatening sepsis, she hasn’t been there, and neither has my father in law, though this is likely to be because if her. Not that it matters because when it comes to children you claim to love, come hell or high water you should be there for them. But when they are well she wants to use them to prove a point to me that she herself was a good mum. Everyday I hear “you see, I’m not totally useless”. The problem is that I do see. I see it constantly and every day she gives me another reason not to trust her.

I could go on forever so over and out, but please do share your experiences with yours.

Hangover hell

When nothing works because you genuinely took it past the point of no return, even though you told yourself the night before you would have a couple less tomorrow. The kids will still be there, and you’ll feel their presence greater than ever. DISTRACTION can work so can IGNORATION. Exhaust distraction first by letting them watch TV and play with all the toys they could think of. After that, when you still need to lie down, even the babiest of babies can be ignored temporarily. Put all kids in one room, provide entertainment and WALK AWAY. It won’t harm children to learn that sometimes, adults don’t give a crap about building dens, or finger painting. There are many theories to suggest that children should be treated as adults where possible in order to encourage their understanding as they grow up. When they are teenagers for example, and they expect their parents and teachers to pander to their every desire, they will likely be traumatised when someone eventually hits them with the ‘GET OVER YOURSELF’ card. There are also people who say that being constantly ignored makes kids feel worthless and undervalued NOT TRUE, it in fact gives them more of a drive to make things happen for themselves as opposed to relying on others, unless there is an underlying mental health issue which prevents them from understanding reality. So don’t feel bad about locking them in their bedrooms or even the garden for a whole day whilst you recover. My kids always know that when mummy is hungover beyond the pale they have to look after themselves, and they do, with no detriment to their overall behaviour and attitude towards life. The only thing you must stress before leaving them to get on with it, is that actions have consequences. If they destroy things, or hurt each other, then next time they will have to go without. This means no toys, and they won’t be together because you can’t trust them. The first time they will naturally test the boundaries and do what you have told them not to do. So a few days later when you are suffering again, follow through and leave them on their own without toys. They will then understand that even days later, the consequences still stand and rest assured…… THEY WON’T DO IT AGAIN! Unless they are completely stupid, or mentally handicapped.

Sex, drugs, rock and roll!

What can you get away with whilst child rearing? It’s a fine line isn’t it.

Sex, drugs, rock and roll, is just a saying, but it refers to a lifestyle – one where people act rather irresponsibly all the time, partying, and having a good old giggle. When you fall pregnant with your first child you automatically assume that all the nice, fun, and often disgraceful things that you did beforehand will become a distant memory, and you will spend most of your time feeding and cleaning up bodily fluids. That part is true, you will have to change nappies, and prepare bottles, and rock your baby to sleep every few hours, however you can also make time to do the this YOU enjoy.

It’s all about preparation. I get all my bottles sterilized before bed, and then do the used ones again in the morning. That way I always have enough ready for the day. I always pack the changing bag at night ready for the next day so that when I’m hungover I don’t forget anything. I change the kids bedding in the morning so that getting them to bed is a quicker task. Basically if you do everything before it needs doing, you will find the fun comes a lot easier as you will always know you haven’t got a load of stuff to do at the end of it all.

Make sure you spend a reasonable amount of time getting you children off to sleep to make sure then are truly asleep and not going to wake up as soon as you leave the room. One of them almost certainly will, but you DO NOT entertain them. Send them straight back to bed without so much as a look – they WILL get the message eventually.

Then the fun begins. Have the sex first because you don’t want to be drunk, however if you are a cannabis user, smoke first, as it will only enhance your pleasure. Rock and roll if you like – that’s what babysitters are for, and you can find very reputable and well qualified ones nowadays. I favour staying in and having friends over or going to friends houses, but I do still enjoy the odd nightclub here and there. Don’t be scared of the drink or the drugs, see them as your go to buddies. If you allow yourself to relax, your kids will relax more. There is nothing worse than being uptight all the time where children are concerned. Let them have what they want, and they will let you. It’s just FAIRNESS.

You will however have to accept that you will get less sleep than you are used to as even if you don’t drink every night, you will still want time to yourself once they’re in bed. And if you feel like it, drink during the day then you won’t have to rush the bottle at night. As long as you haven’t got a million chores to do during the day you will be able to get as pissed as you like.

What a dick…

So I’m visiting my friend in a hospital, and I decide to pop out for a cigarette. I roll one in the room, and head out to smoke it, leaving the paraphernalia behind. I’m minding my own business, smoking my own cigarette, when this guy stops and asks if I have a spare fag. I say “no sorry” and try to explain I haven’t got the means to give him one. He totally flies off the handle, screaming and shouting and proceeds to call me a LYING TWAT. I guess that he is homeless and having a rough time so I spare him the kick in the bollocks he deserves and walk away.

A week later the exact same scenario occurs, more fool me really for repeating the act because I don’t actually object to handing out cigs. This time he is rather aggressive about the whole thing, but doesn’t make any reference to the first incidence so I guess he has forgot as he likely does it a lot. Again it’s a secluded area so I tell him to get lost as politely as possible.

Then two days later, my husband comes with me to visit our friend and on the way home we decide to stop for a pint in a nearby pub. And guess what…, the guy appears again and asks my hubby for a rolling paper. He was about to to oblige and give him one, when I said ‘no don’t give him anything’. Hubby looked shocked and asked why. I told him that the man standing before him had called me a LYING TWAT when I couldn’t give him a cigarette. This time he had nothing to say for himself and walked away.

When I was alone and he didn’t get what he wanted he had a right pop, yet when called out in front of a bunch of drunk blokes he scurried away! I was fuming for hours.

Today’s topic

So this afternoon I have been reading many a blog to try and understand how this all works. To be honest I have discovered that even if mine doesn’t take off, I will still read and write as it can be awfully satisfying.

I’ve discovered that there is a lot of material surrounding domestic violence and emotional abuse. I’m a very controversial person, however even I am forced to take very seriously the act of people (women included) torturing each other to the extent that is being discussed. Emotion abuse seems to be more commonly written about, so let’s talk about that. My research has enlightened me to two things in particular: there is no specific type to the perpetrators. You would have thought that they would have similar backgrounds, appearances, personality traits etc., but they don’t. ANYONE can be responsible for ruining lives, without ringing any alarm bells. The second thing is that the women who talk about being abused by men, seem to imply that if they had realised sooner they could have gotten out. Things appear to go from naught to one hundred in a matter of weeks/months, so there is no real gradual worsening of the situation to contend with, thus no time to ponder how to end it.

I do have some experience with this sort of thing, so say this sort of thing because I HATE using the same words over and over, and I’m not about to start experimenting with terminology on this subject, for risk of causing upset. One of my most recent experiences was with a woman who disclosed to me that her partner had done some truly disturbing things to her (in my mind), but she wasn’t at all prepared to leave him. I fear honesty may land me in trouble here, however I’m going to say this anyway as I think it could help she’d some perspective for a lot of people – I didn’t entirely believe this woman when she told me. I thought she was either exaggerating, or it had never happened. To this day I will never know if the former was accurate or not. She went out of her way to cheat on her partner, and bragged about it as if she wanted him to find out. Correct me if I’m wrong but women sufferers are usually afraid of their abusers? I later found out that every man she slept with was married, which caused even more confusion. Why was this woman chasing after men who would never want anything other than a mindless fuck. Then after many conversations and a much greater insight, I began to understand. She wanted them to help her, and the most likely saviour would be a man who respected women enough make vows and stick by them. Though they went sticking by them any more because they were being unfaithful. They didn’t want their wives to find out about their flings in any case, therefore when she eventually told them what was going on and asked for help, they pretty much dragged her out of their houses by her hair and told her never to bring trouble to their door again. Turns out they were mindless fucks themselves. Although when I tried to offer to help this lady get out of the awful situation she was in, she really didnt want to kmow.

I have to ask this to anyone who reads and has been through it… Is this typical? Did you try to get other men to help you get out? And if so how did you go about it?

The Dreaded Hangover

You don’t have to dread them you know. All you have to do to avoid them is have kids. There are three reasons for this:

A- kids keep you so busy that you never really have time for the hangover to manifest. It’s not like you can stay in bed wollowing, unless they’re still locked in a cot.

B- with them waking you up and running you ragged, by 10am you should have certainly had another drink. Hair of the dog, works every time.

C- you’ve been pregnant right, so you can get anti nausea meds. You simply visit your GP at any point in your pregnancy and tell them that you are throwing up so much you can’t keep food down and it’s making you feel even worse because you’re always dizzy as a result. Then you save the pills, or even better mug them off and get a repeat prescription.

All your hangover woes will be gone, even if you have to take all 3 measures at once.

Blue or Pink – Red or White

Disclaimer – all views are my own, there is no research to back this. I love to state facts but this one is just a bit of fun.

Read this article for clarification of you like.

https://www.fitday.com/fitness-articles/nutrition/healthy-eating/red-wines-vs-white-wines-which-bottle-should-you-pick.html

So basically..

If you are the yummy mummy of a young boy, you ought to be drinking red wine. If you’ve a little lady, then you want white.

Why..

Well firstly: boys are fitter than girls, so you will need more energy to look after them. You have to play footie and go skateboarding with boys which is hard work, especially if you’re a woman. Though all wine is good for you, red is more nutritious so will keep you healthier.

Secondly: you can take this from someone with a fair few years experience – the hangover is never as bad.

White wine is typically more favourable to women than red, especially at a young age, so if you’re into white then your daughter will be inclined to start drinking with you from an earlier age.

Also, it’s easier to drink so you can get through a bottle much quicker. This is necessary as girls typically don’t sleep as long as boys do so you won’t have a much time to get slowly pissed.

That’s me for the night anyway. Took my kids out for dinner this evening. They didn’t actually have any dinner mind you, just pudding, but as they wish. I had two bottles of prosecco and a bottle of white, and most of my kids are boys. So do as I say, not as I do is the advice.